Knowing God...

I started back to school recently. After mmmmm, lets just say a lot of years since last stepping into a classroom, it's been interesting.

I am one that looks for opportunities to share my faith with people. I love God and I love God because He first loved me. Loved me enough to create me, to form me in His image, to send His perfect sinless Son to die for me so that my sin could be forgiven and that I could know Him, that I could have the kind of personal relationship it takes to claim love for someone. That's God.

Well, I was excited that my new professor was also of strong faith. He spoke of mission trips, of working within his denomination as a fundraiser for a faith based group and said he had formerly held a professional position leading a church. He spoke about recently being a guest minister at a church.

He is a professor of Theology, he did a "practice lecture" intended to help the class hone their note taking skills. His lecture was on his definition of religion. He said that religion is: A personal faith stance regarding the issues of ultimate concern.

It's a very theological and professor-ish definition...okay, I can live with that.

But, as he went word my word through his definition, he explained faith as 1.) believing without knowing and 2.) believing without the possibility of knowing. Okay, STOP, that's where I have to argue...

Yes, it takes faith to believe in God, and faith requires trusting in something you can't see or maybe touch. BUT-I will argue that not knowing and not having a possibility of knowing are 2 entirely different things. I believe that I KNOW God, I know His character, I know He has a sense of humor, I know that I feel loved and that He has answered prayers and worked miracles in my life that are beyond any human explanation. I know God.

I argued the fact in class a bit, but it really resulted in no level of agreement on the issue.

I'm writing about this for one reason...to make you think. Do you believe that you can't know God? Why? Have you asked Him about Himself? Have you read the Perfect Book He left for us to tell us about Himself and His will in our lives? I do, but not often enough. I don't ask for Him to reveal Himself to me and speak into my life as much as I should...but it sure isn't because I feel like I can't or I'm not 100% sure He will. For me it is more about what He may say when He answers. What will I be called to do, what will he want to teach me next? I love God, but I also know how little I am compared to the plans He has for me and that's scary. Because I know God, I also know that I don't need to be big enough for Him because He is big enough on His own...He doesn't need me, He wants me-all of me. That's what I know, and that's why I want to know more each day.

Hello Again

This is for Amanda. Thanks for urging me to get back into this and for telling me about the LT devotional which has helped to bring me back to my faith in a way I haven't felt in almost 3 years. I appreciate your encouragement recently and for the past 20+ years as a friend!

Blessings for Tipitapa

I have fallen comfortably and happily back into my daily routines of work, family, church, etc. I am thinking of Tipitapa every day and the rememberance of someone's face or some kind words spoken to me still makes me smile. I miss the people there very badly, but I am looking forward to visiting again next year on another mission trip and praying it will happen. I have stopped hoping my husband will suddenly get an urge to sell everything and move there. I met a little boy there named Norlan and he asked me to send him a Spanish Bible when I returned home. I promised I would. It seemed like a very simple and easy to keep promise. But, when I returned home and went to the UPS/FedEx store and learned it would cost me more than $220.00 to keep that promise, my heart dropped and I felt even further than ever from the people I grew to love during my week there. Before too long, I had complained enough about the distance I was feeling and a friend whose husband works for an airline offered to use their 75% discount to mail it for me...still more than $50.00 but it's a lot better and my spirits lifted a bit. I was sad about not being able to keep in touch easily with the people I met there, when a friend (thanks Jessica) told me how to set up MSN Messenger and get a webcam, so now I can see them and "talk" to them whenever they are online. I am the mercy of their schedules, of course, but it's a lot more fun and instant and personal than email. Now the only complaint I have is that when I see Jessica, Leo, and Isaac online...they are right THERE, but I can't hug them! Oh well, I'll wait until next year for the hugs and pray that God provides the opportunity and funds for me to go again. God has made some really awesome things happen since we returned-barely a month ago. The interpretter we wanted to buy a home for Howard, has gotten his home and his family is moved in in time for Chrsitmas. We actually received so much financial blessing, we were able to buy another interpretter, Oscar and his wife a home too! It is amazing what God can do when we are obedient. He asks us sometimes for things that seem so unrealistic and impossile (like when he asked me to go to Manaugua) but if we just trust and obey, He pours out blessings we never imagined we even needed. So, congratulations to Howard and Oscar and their families, and thank you God for contnuing to show us how BIG you are.

Pictures of Tipitapa

Here is a Link to pictures from my trip to Managua, Nicaragua. Missions were in Tipitapa, just outside of Managua.

http://photobucket.com/albums/d180/cyndigirl74/

Captive Cravings

An animal born in captivity doesn't know what real life should be
Every day she eats, sleeps, and basks in the sun of her paradise her keepers built for her
She busies herself with captivity's work, meaningless labor bearing no fruit
She find's love when another captive soul enters her sactuary of walls
Love and babies grow...the family eats what they are fed and sleep and play where they should
People look on with smiling faces, with admiration and wonder, watching their daily doings
They sleep together snug and secure, they lick their young and groom them in captivity's ways
What then, if mother is granted a glimpse of the "wild"? A look at God's will and true capacity for beauty?
How does she tell her mate about the things she saw? About the freedom she no longer enjoys not knowing?
The easy meals, the warm grass, the happy smiling faces of their man-made paradise are all wrong...
She aches with the knowlege that the lessons of security and entitlement she has taught her young are worthless
She dreams of crumbling walls, honest faces, meals that taste delicious because the Creator provides them.
God's will is so far away. Nothing is easy and she has none of the skills she needs to survive in that place
She stays silent, while the loudest roar this world has ever heard makes her sick as she swallows it back
A roar that would scare those who have always provided for her and think she is happy with their gifts
They wouldn't understand why she needs to make such noise when they stand so close
She lays close to her love and her young at night and secretly dreams of a morning like no other
Oh to awake in the place God showed her! To show her love the place they belong...
Together they could teach their babies the things she can never teach them in this comfortable place
A place where the father can be the leader of his family and children can run and play and learn real lessons
A place where a mother could really nurture her children, serve her God, and break free with this roar she chokes on
It's mealtime now and she will eat what she is fed, she will keep her unsatisfied hungers secret to her keepers
What would they think if she told them she wanted to earn her food, sleep in vulnerable places without locked doors?
A place where meals may not come immediately when the stomach growls, no plush grass guaranteed
Rain assuredly would come, faces wouldn't always smile, but when the smiles come they are real and true
When times of struggle come, the wild animals have learned to love each other back to strength
In this world of walls, she longs to see her neighbors but would she even recognize them?
They hide like she does, but do they ache like she does, for reality-the unknown?
Do they hide their longings behind practiced smiles and behavior, politeness and captivity's courtesy?
She may never know, how could she? The captors and keepers encourage her to be still
But the Creator continues to tug-making her itch in a place so deep she can't reach it to scratch
She begs God to make it stop, to let her forget what she saw and what she learned...sweet ignorance
Forget the way it smelled, the way it felt, the eyes of those she met, the fire burning in her to be there again
She will eat with her family today and give thanks to Him for the blessing of them from her cage
She will hide her sad thoughts, lay in the soft grass and bask in the sun God provided for today
More smiling faces, she will just love those faces like she always has and hope they don't see her hidden pain
They can't know because they wouldn't understand, it's not their fault she feels like a stranger to them now
She pulled her family close for comfort and understanding but they look at her with curious eyes, something is different
This animal born of captivity has seen what life should be, she has seen home and aches for her family to be there
This ache will fade as days pass, she already questions if she saw the truth at all? Was it real?
Why can't she see that place now among these smiling faces...hiding their own truth and their own longing for home
Was it real or a beautiful dream? She longs to suck her family into that dream and never wake up.
But, for now, she feels the rumble in her stomach and she will eat the food she is given but hasn't earned
Someone else will complete the work God prepared for her in that place, won't they?
He will forgive her when she explains about the food that had been prepared for here, and the warm grass, won't He?
She will continue to eat, sleep, play, worship & live in this life man created for her, unless God gives her another glimpse
God called her name and showed her what life can be like, why now is He silent?
She begs for answers only He can give, why doesn't she hear Him now? Has He turned His back for her reluctance?
Has she unknowingly closed her ears for fear of what He is saying, I don't think she could if she wanted to...
Yet, it has been so silent since she returned to her life of captivity...does a roar build in Him too?
Will she be scared when He lets loose a roar like she has never heard, will she be afraid if she never hears at all?
Thank You God, for this place you have provided me, thank you for the blessings of warm meals and soft grass.

Thanksgiving Day 2005

Trip to Tipitapa

11/15/05
Letter to the "Share Holders",

Thank you for your investment, I apologize for not reporting on your "returns" sooner, but my week in Nicaragua was so incredible I am still at a loss to put it into words a week later. We (my sister, Tina and I) arrived in Managua on 11/2 to find that it was nothing like either of us expected, although we believed we were going with no expectations. We worked in villages in an area called Tipitapa, about 12 miles outside Managua, in the mornings and afternoons with a crusade in a local park most evenings. In the villages we would witness to people, share our testimonies, pray with them, invite them to visit the local church in each village that we teamed up with while there and to come to the evening crusades held in the park Friday, Saturday, Monday & Tuesday evenings. The crusade was an outdoor church service with praise music by a local band, Bible readings, and finally a sermon given by Dr. Rod Herrod, founder of R.H.E.M.A., who organized our trip. Many came to us after the service each night to pray for healing for loved ones, financial help, marital help, parenting help or to accept Christ. So familiar were their prayer requests! Two very different worlds, yet with the same needs and desires-common lines were quickly drawn.
The people living in the villages of Tipitapa are very poor. There is more than 50% unemployment rate, an epidemic of children with single parent homes, unsophisticated plumbing, electricity, street addresses & telephone services. Mail is unreliable at best and you cannot find a bank to cash in travelers checks. They cook over open fires in oppressive heat and humidity, their homes are falling down around them, skinny animals walk the street but don't seem to belong to anyone-dogs, chickens, pigs, a goat or two, and average wage ranges from $1.00-4.00 per day, when work can be found at all. Now that's the information that you can find on any website offering local statistics, but I'll tell you what you won't find and what we were humbled by. The hand-me-down clothes worn by the people of Tipitapa were laundered and pressed with care, we never saw running water. People were almost always clean and well groomed even when they had nowhere to go, but especially on Sunday mornings! Although the families have so little and have to work so hard to finish basic tasks around their homes, they were more than willing to stop everything, invite complete strangers into their clean though sparsely furnished homes and speak with us for as long as we wanted. They would stand and offer us a clean plastic lawn chair to sit. The men would sometimes insist upon changing into nicer clothes before they would pray with us out of respect for God. They have so little, but will give it all to you without hesitation if they think you need it. They wasted nothing, took nothing for granted, expected nothing, and sincerely appreciated any slight gesture of kindness or friendship. We were totally and completely in love with the people of Tipitapa about 20 minutes after driving into the first village. The children were some of the most beautiful children we have ever seen. Most have no toys, but they seem to never stop smiling. Not one child talked back to one parent the entire time we were there. They wanted to sit by us and just be hugged or have their hand held. One mother started to hand her newborn baby over to me when I reached to hold her hand to pray, because she misunderstood at first. They brought me to tears again and again with their kindness and sweetness when we were total strangers in every sense of the word. That is what I learned about the hearts of the people of Tipitapa, now about the "work at hand". We went there with the intent of harvesting hearts for Christ and offering the hope of a God that loves them and cares personally about them. What we were surprised to find is that many people we spoke with did not own a Bible, but were very familiar with the basic message. What they didn't know is that God loves them and desires to have a personal relationship with them. Their faces lit up at that news and we witnessed so many make decisions for Christ in their hearts and in their lives, knowing with each one we had a new brother or sister in Christ. We watched faces and lives change in front of our eyes as they heard the message God called us there to share.
We both gave our testimonies at a women's conference of about 70 women on Thursday morning. We visited a children's "church" Sunday morning that consisted of four sticks holding up a piece of tin for shelter from the sun, where I again gave my testimony. The pastor learned local praise songs in English to sing for us and the kids performed a short play for us. At another church Sunday evening, the pastor presented us with Nicaragua key chains. Such a small token, but I couldn't help but wonder how hard they worked to offer us that gift. We were among a small group invited to visit a group called "Los Pipitos"(The Little Seeds), a support group of parents with disabled children, and a Christian school for the deaf. Two girls with Downs Syndrome danced for us, a group of deaf children sang for us, and they treated us to a snack. Our interpreter could barely get through the sermon, because he was overtaken by emotion seeing his daughter in the children's faces. We all did. We learned many of them were disabled with things that could be treated here, but likely would be terminal there due to poor medical care and poverty. We all cried and hugged many children and parents as we shared the message of God's big healing love. I received loving hugs and prayers from everyone when we left each of these events.
I left Managua 11/9 with mixed emotions, excited about returning home to family and friends, but sad to leave a place that was so different than anything I had ever known and in many ways now felt very much like "home". I went there to teach people about God's love for them and give them a hope only He can offer. What I received in return from the people there and my experiences were more valuable than anything I could have imagined. I see things through different eyes, I have drawn closer to God by seeing his love pour out on the lives of others. I have learned that generosity has very little to do with how much a person gives, but more how much of what they have they are willing to give to others even in poverty. I will return to Managua in a heartbeat if God offers the opportunity and means again in the future, as graciously as He did this time. I thank God for blessing me with the opportunity to be a part of this, for changing my heart in so many ways in the process and for the precious friendships I formed there. I want to thank each person who offered financial support and/or prayers for the success and safety of our trip. We witnessed thousands make decisions for Christ this week and we could not have been a part of that without your faith in us and faithfulness to what God laid upon your hearts.
Dios Te Bendiga (God Bless You),
Cyndi Williams

PS If anyone would like to be a part of our continued work there, we are trying to get suitable housing for one of our interpreters and his wife and four children. We are also working on getting Bibles into the hands of the baby Christians there. Please contact either of us if you feel led to help in either of these areas.