Captive Cravings

An animal born in captivity doesn't know what real life should be
Every day she eats, sleeps, and basks in the sun of her paradise her keepers built for her
She busies herself with captivity's work, meaningless labor bearing no fruit
She find's love when another captive soul enters her sactuary of walls
Love and babies grow...the family eats what they are fed and sleep and play where they should
People look on with smiling faces, with admiration and wonder, watching their daily doings
They sleep together snug and secure, they lick their young and groom them in captivity's ways
What then, if mother is granted a glimpse of the "wild"? A look at God's will and true capacity for beauty?
How does she tell her mate about the things she saw? About the freedom she no longer enjoys not knowing?
The easy meals, the warm grass, the happy smiling faces of their man-made paradise are all wrong...
She aches with the knowlege that the lessons of security and entitlement she has taught her young are worthless
She dreams of crumbling walls, honest faces, meals that taste delicious because the Creator provides them.
God's will is so far away. Nothing is easy and she has none of the skills she needs to survive in that place
She stays silent, while the loudest roar this world has ever heard makes her sick as she swallows it back
A roar that would scare those who have always provided for her and think she is happy with their gifts
They wouldn't understand why she needs to make such noise when they stand so close
She lays close to her love and her young at night and secretly dreams of a morning like no other
Oh to awake in the place God showed her! To show her love the place they belong...
Together they could teach their babies the things she can never teach them in this comfortable place
A place where the father can be the leader of his family and children can run and play and learn real lessons
A place where a mother could really nurture her children, serve her God, and break free with this roar she chokes on
It's mealtime now and she will eat what she is fed, she will keep her unsatisfied hungers secret to her keepers
What would they think if she told them she wanted to earn her food, sleep in vulnerable places without locked doors?
A place where meals may not come immediately when the stomach growls, no plush grass guaranteed
Rain assuredly would come, faces wouldn't always smile, but when the smiles come they are real and true
When times of struggle come, the wild animals have learned to love each other back to strength
In this world of walls, she longs to see her neighbors but would she even recognize them?
They hide like she does, but do they ache like she does, for reality-the unknown?
Do they hide their longings behind practiced smiles and behavior, politeness and captivity's courtesy?
She may never know, how could she? The captors and keepers encourage her to be still
But the Creator continues to tug-making her itch in a place so deep she can't reach it to scratch
She begs God to make it stop, to let her forget what she saw and what she learned...sweet ignorance
Forget the way it smelled, the way it felt, the eyes of those she met, the fire burning in her to be there again
She will eat with her family today and give thanks to Him for the blessing of them from her cage
She will hide her sad thoughts, lay in the soft grass and bask in the sun God provided for today
More smiling faces, she will just love those faces like she always has and hope they don't see her hidden pain
They can't know because they wouldn't understand, it's not their fault she feels like a stranger to them now
She pulled her family close for comfort and understanding but they look at her with curious eyes, something is different
This animal born of captivity has seen what life should be, she has seen home and aches for her family to be there
This ache will fade as days pass, she already questions if she saw the truth at all? Was it real?
Why can't she see that place now among these smiling faces...hiding their own truth and their own longing for home
Was it real or a beautiful dream? She longs to suck her family into that dream and never wake up.
But, for now, she feels the rumble in her stomach and she will eat the food she is given but hasn't earned
Someone else will complete the work God prepared for her in that place, won't they?
He will forgive her when she explains about the food that had been prepared for here, and the warm grass, won't He?
She will continue to eat, sleep, play, worship & live in this life man created for her, unless God gives her another glimpse
God called her name and showed her what life can be like, why now is He silent?
She begs for answers only He can give, why doesn't she hear Him now? Has He turned His back for her reluctance?
Has she unknowingly closed her ears for fear of what He is saying, I don't think she could if she wanted to...
Yet, it has been so silent since she returned to her life of captivity...does a roar build in Him too?
Will she be scared when He lets loose a roar like she has never heard, will she be afraid if she never hears at all?
Thank You God, for this place you have provided me, thank you for the blessings of warm meals and soft grass.

Thanksgiving Day 2005